12.13.08

Yesterday was a missed opportunity.
Today is already gone.
The next step is a 1 am no show call.
Iwant to trust and I lust for love.
Its cold in here and I returned.



I want to fuck her, I want to lick her, I want to taste her lips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12.11.08

My dad called me today to tell me he was in Cleveland. He then said but I am leaving now. I was dissapointed I thought I was going to get to see someone from my family. Me and K had incredible sex last night, but I was somehow disinterested at the beginning. The economy is bad and I am having a tough time finding a second job and part of the problem for me is that I am so unconfident right now that I am holding myself back I want to be excited about life. I am missing my son riht now more than I have since I got here and am worried about his general well being. He has a mother who is selfish. These are my confessions for today , maybe more tomorrow.

If you find this K please never tell me. I love you and just need to breathe, exhaleing is incredible I wish you could hear me.


Ciao

12.10.08

i am sitting alone in my apartment. not entirely true the cat is present. i called my father today and i confessed to him that my girl is taking care of me and she is. i have a horrible job and pay more than 50 percent child support for one child. i dont know an address to mail him a letter but the state takes my money. i often cry when i am alone and no one knows this i cant control myself i try so hard to be sstrong but my exwife and current girlfriend have raped my heart and i am unsure just why i am deserving to even breathe. i regret ever compression of my chest. i have never wanted anything less than an idea family and i dont think i will ever have that im just a bad guy i guess. id love to one day by a rocket and fly it to the moon but it will never happen so i guess its time to stop reaching for the stars. i put an add up on craigslist for her and i know she reads them but she never emailed me on it i dont guess im doing a bad job hiding it. i love her more than i think i should and i want to make her my wife that should be my first clue......



so this is going to be my place to breathe and i will get it out and maybe it will lift all the way off my chest im tired of living two lifes one inside that is a broken tangled mess of a man and one thats outward and nothing more than a false shell of a broken crushed lost man.......