the terrible truth is i am knowingly participating in my own self destruction. i have acknowledged that i am hindering my own progress and grasping the extent of my failures. i was in the cold for over an hour i did everything but break the window and my key would not work. i want this badly and i want it for myself. i want to exclude everyone else and inundate myself as the leader of everything. permission is not required and i have to vie for it. i have to go out head up and shoulders back and beat it out one minute of my life after another. the complication to the fact is that i dont know if leaving was the right thing to do but after having my clothing freeze upon me it seemed like the only option. she gives me doubts.
i miss the way i felt when i was in control.
4 years ago