this is an honest open and may be sick twisted perverted, disgusting, sad , happy, abusive, hateful, spiteful, mind blowing, or stagnant.

It is me. It is the goo on the finger that just came out of a festering wound.

I invite all to comment and share.

Fuck your friends fuck your neighbors but alway make love to the one you love.

This is my forum and it is open to the world.


Fuck This Christmas Bullshit.

I am so tired of feeling left out and let down. When can I have peace for myself? As I sit here at nearly 3 am on Christmas Eve, my wife whom has become ever more abusive, explosive and disturbed is asleep. All I wanted from her for Christmas was a brighter attitude, instead it is worse. The sad part about it is she knows that. Eventually something is going to break, I hope it isn't her.

I have a son going on his third Christmas. I have never gotten to wake up with him on Christmas morning and see the joy "Santa" is supposed to bring.

I can honestly say that if suicide was a viable option for me I would not even be typing this. Death must be better when it has actually happened then it is when you just feel that way inside your soul!

I am less than you, I am mortal. I will never live on after my eyes have closed for the last time. I will rot just as a tree that has fallen.

When I started to blog I had a grandiose idea that I would do it daily. I believed that if I confessed something that I have never shared that it would somehow help me to grow. It would make me less apt to wallow in my own self pity. So for 2010 I am going to attempt to blog daily even if it is a simple confession.

I have to give credit to whomever created the graphic. I found it on multiple sites so assume that is open for use. Thank You.

This Christmas is just like everything else within my life a let down. I let myself down though. But i never have ever left someone out. I have never intentionally attempted to make some one feel inferior or lucky and I would never lie about something being mine.

As I sat before you and tried to rationalize that it was my fault fo your deception, I grew weary of you. As I confronted my own demons, I grew weary of myself. I now know that is only within me to make a difference for me, do you? In a supposed sorta way I get all the things you say to me. I suppose though that no one has a right to a variance in opinion. The future can be limitless or you can be bound to your past. The decision is yours. A single man can move many small rocks singularly, but it takes a team to move them all at once.

I hate my sad pathetic Christmas. Fuck Christmas I have never been more suicidal then this time of year. It comes like a plague. It wants to eat you alive. It thirsts for all of your money and hard work and will have its fill. Christmas will give way to a new year. It will too pass, as Christmas comes again to rape you of all emotion and happiness.


My wife saved my life.