i wished today for blood
i wished today that someone will send him to me
i wished today for harmony
for financial balance and sanity
i wished today i had no tomorrow
i wished today for no more sorrow
i wished like hell for no more pain
i wished there was a pill to take
i wish i could swallow you down
i wish that this was not my fate
foreign matters and independent wealth
none of this pertains to myself
i am the diseased the leppur
i am the used the trash to be tossed aside
i am fighting for breathe and cant wait to lose
i am falling to pieces broken and bruised
i wished like hell that shed take it all
i wished like hell i would fall
i wished today away
i wished my life would fade away
inward thoughts murder the men without the resolve to push forward, to strive. when you have lost all pride as i have and the support you beg for disappears all you have left is your inner fears, and you are alone with them. alone all the time with the demons of your life and the secrets they hold inside, now there comes a choice amd i know i must decide and i am selfish but i continue to lean towards suicide..
im so smooth i feel like a lubed up bottle of lube.
i hate this...
NUTSACKS DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he sent she she forgot to tell me i told his and sent her pics he sent she i was going to slam the...
his cock out in their bed asking my girl for head i was ready to retaliate so i sent the pictures you fucking snake...
i told her i pretended to be she even though i hadnt . i protected her again.
O i am supposed to turn my head to your lies,
O i am supposed to forgive and forget,
O you are supposed to be honest,
I am going to crush you I will break your heart worse than it has ever been broken and then I will piss on the pieces.
Ill never do any of that!
- treachery: betrayal or disloyalty
- act of betrayal: an act of betrayal or disloyalty
Loyalty- state of being loyal: the quality or state of being loyal
- feeling of duty: a feeling of devotion, duty, or attachment to somebody or something
Honor- personal integrity: strong moral character or strength, and adherence to ethical principles
- respect: great respect and admiration
- dignity: personal dignity that sometimes leads to recognition and glory
definitions are nothing more than an accepted interpretation of a word and its oft used meaning in certain aspects and certain situations a word can have a flurry of different meanings than the ones widely accepted and in print Loyalty means so much more to me than this accepted definition. My own loyalty makes it difficult for me to post the things i wanted to post here it makes it hard for me to throw someone under a bus even when the deserve to be shoved and held while it rolls over them. people who know the confessor will tell you above all i remain loyal to those i love even when it is detrimental to myself. i am deeply conflicted by this factual statement about me. i dont want to harm myself or allow others to take advantage of me but i cant seem to say no its like im afraid that they will be upset and half of these people wouldnt be loyal to me if i needed them. i am working up the courage to lay my life down for who ever stumbles upon it and its going to be difficult for me but i am prepared.
Everyone has a theme song and this is mine it is Twiztid ft. Jamie Madrox and Monoxide Child
"Afraid Of Me"[Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Monoxide Child]Now you can try to sedate me, assassinate or just hate me But there's nothing that you can do to me lately Now I'm greatly accepted in the mind so I'm confused and intertwined From being rejected so many times, I wanna leave it all behind So kind of you to pick up the album and give it a try for once And run and tell your homies that these motherfuckers will die for us So many questions, fingers pointing for answers Suggesting that I'm the cancer that lingers inside the pasture With green grass up to my neck, and situations that's too fast To think about and most people can't dream about A hundred million miles and every single second And every time you hear this record I want you to feel me on every sentence Reminisce from descendants of past treasures We'll embark on a journey that'll stay alive forever Plus I would stand over on my side of the fence Regardless of the circumstances or the consequences [Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Jamie Madrox]I am my own worst enemy I'm not the smartest motherfucker and shit, I don't pretend to be And why I am the way I am is not a mystery My mind's not in proper working order or in therapy The brain's confused and mentally abused Life's been hanging on a string so what the fuck I got to loose? And what the fuck I got to prove to you? If you don't know me by now, you'll never know me You can put that on my real homies I got problems and they stack like bills And I relate to the broken, bleeding heart love killed And I awaited in the shadows, awake in the dark Hoping to talk to the passed on, I'm falling apart I'm such a mess and decisive, I'm fading away I'm out of touch with society and living today Never relying on my sanity, I threw it away To become the maniac that's got your attention today [Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Monoxide Child]Can you keep a secret? Well I'm afraid world because they want me to die, can you believe it? But I'm still alive... and been floating since '95 With my chin held high but I'm so dead inside Let the problems just roll and put them back into a pile Because it's just a bunch of shit that I can't deal with right now And I'm tired of always guessing and messing it up again And the next day it's even deeper and I'm steady sinking in [Jamie Madrox]I took a look at myself and came to grips with what I found It was a vision of a child, disturbed and broke down No soul, no heart because I gave it away No time for feeling sorry, I'll grieve another day And all those tears are stored in storm clouds That hover above me and cover the ugly Continued to haunt me when I was feeling low That's the same reason I hold on and never let go [Chorus x4]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me
You did it to me now vengeance is mine are you worried?????
I am revolling in the fact that I know leaving a silly message on his girls myspace has him so in arms hes calling mine not trying to fuck her now but trying to stop me.
I told her i wont send the pics of his dick to his girlfriend but I probably am.
I owe this spineless fuck shit. Loyalty to me means not commiting treason by having phone sex with a man who has a girlfriend. I told her i am the most vindictive person she ever met and she knew better then sending me pictures of this dudes dick. Ill show her and then Ill send him a cc of the email, whats he gonna do cry like a fucking bitch, he already is.
If she knew that with every misrepresented word and broken promise my disgust with her grows like a viracious swarm of maggots coursing thru the still warm flesh of a new corpse, would she begin to use a more honest patter?
If she wasnt confused by her own lustful desires, would her heart focus its attention upon me?
The falsities uttered from her lips consumes me and crosses me, like a distasteful sermon from a drunken deacon. The misrepresentations of facts and the disorderly nature of selfish thoughts. I am me and she is I. Except for her she is her and I am nothing. You drug me away with empty promises and desperately, delusional I have followed.
I am going to have her and you will cry, and I will still feel victimized. I am going to have the other and it will be one day soon that you will sit alone in a crying room fretting and recalling every word spoke and promise un kept and unable to sleep while I will have no regret.
My confession for the day-
I am disconnected and I start returning your gifts to you in a horrific bin full of your own sharp rejections, and acidic words so that it will burn you to your core and you will be to ashamed to sleep. I hate you today just as much as I hated her Yesterday.
Indefinitely I will respond in the method I have used for so long.Underminding the fact that this is going entirely against everything I know and have recently learned. I am determined to find the match . I am in need of a partner who is willing to play an unbeatable game with me. Because that is what life is, unbeatable. The thing that happens interestingly enough is that you can achieve a tied score, with the proper assistance. I am engrossed in trying to commit to the right conclusion in a decisive manner but am un clear as to what the finale will bring. I am petrified by the fact that as I sit and type this I am alone. I am terrified that when she stumbles upon this Ill become unknown. Thankfully though upon my departure I will be missed and heart will fill with sorrow. Pain will devour and hurt is enduring. Everlasting is the void that is neither refillable or healable that comes from losing the person who beyond all other things is loyal to the death for you.Losing the person that will stick it out thru all of your manipulations, transgressions and cowardness, the dishonesty.The backwards actions that you claim to have no regard for but you have so chosen to emulate those actions.These will be the lasting memory of your unwritten life. Ongoing and unshakeable and they will choke you slowly.The painful memory of how you examined me and the way you went about disecting me while I was still alive. It will caress your throat within a gentle grasp slowly surrounding and encapsulating whilst growing ever firmer. Then when you feel as though you can no longer breath, the pain will begin to grow and then as you lay down to sleep in the eternal darkness your heart will remain beating and continue to pump ice into your soul.
With each passing day I grow more fond of the expositions of my internal soul.I am relieved and in awe of the open nature of this freedom giving device that is truly a new age Confessional.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years,
no matter what it does. - Will Rogers
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. -Albert Einstein
"It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't." -Martin Van Buren
"My failures have been errors of judgment, not of intent." Ulysses S. Grant
"The only man who makes no mistake is the man who does nothing."
- Teddy Roosevelt
Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
- David Letterman
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you find this K please never tell me. I love you and just need to breathe, exhaleing is incredible I wish you could hear me.
so this is going to be my place to breathe and i will get it out and maybe it will lift all the way off my chest im tired of living two lifes one inside that is a broken tangled mess of a man and one thats outward and nothing more than a false shell of a broken crushed lost man.......