this is an honest open and may be sick twisted perverted, disgusting, sad , happy, abusive, hateful, spiteful, mind blowing, or stagnant.

It is me. It is the goo on the finger that just came out of a festering wound.

I invite all to comment and share.

Fuck your friends fuck your neighbors but alway make love to the one you love.

This is my forum and it is open to the world.



so i told her friend whilst signed in as her that she was cheating on me her friend went for it saying dude hes soooooooooo cute does he have any friends then her friend commenced to tell her this morning how jealous she was.
she told her friend it was me.
am i wrong for thinking that a friend that is mutual friendly is a low down scummy bitch for not telling me first and for most??
i am not a cblocker but you dont allow your friends to get hurt you tell them and you dont support the guilty party..

the confession
Validated Again
the confessor



i wished today that she would die
i wished today for blood
i wished today that someone will send him to me
i wished today for harmony
for financial balance and sanity
i wished today i had no tomorrow
i wished today for no more sorrow
i wished like hell for no more pain
i wished there was a pill to take
i wish i could swallow you down
i wish that this was not my fate
intermittent turmoil
frivilous punctuations
foreign matters and independent wealth
none of this pertains to myself
i am the diseased the leppur
i am the used the trash to be tossed aside
i am fighting for breathe and cant wait to lose
i am falling to pieces broken and bruised
i wished like hell that shed take it all
i wished like hell i would fall
i wished today away
i wished my life would fade away

the confession
inward thoughts murder the men without the resolve to push forward, to strive. when you have lost all pride as i have and the support you beg for disappears all you have left is your inner fears, and you are alone with them. alone all the time with the demons of your life and the secrets they hold inside, now there comes a choice amd i know i must decide and i am selfish but i continue to lean towards suicide..
the confessor




Christmas Day 10 AM
Shes at my parents house.
I call.
Guerrila Warfare style.
Pops hands her the phone.
Put my kid on I say.
I got to at least tell him I Love Him.
I can hear the anger in her voice but I give no shits.
That is One for me!

The indifference currently residing inside of me is uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time.
I have to keep saying stay the course but what is my course. I am so unaware of how Kelly is feeling and how that effects me is of no concern to her.
The Confession
She Knows about this now



merry christmas i want to die

the c



Lay Offs Suck Ass

I like it .
The C



So she knows me and she knows how to make me smile, I am so confused.
She loved the present and we traded early she is so silly.

The confession

It saddens me to know that she will never give me children.

The C



i like this...

im so smooth i feel like a lubed up bottle of lube.

i hate this...

NUTSACKS DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the breakdown

he sent she she forgot to tell me i told his and sent her pics he sent she i was going to slam the...

his cock out in their bed asking my girl for head i was ready to retaliate so i sent the pictures you fucking snake...

the confession
i told her i pretended to be she even though i hadnt . i protected her again.

the C-or



O i am supposed to gtfo because your a cheater,
O i am supposed to turn my head to your lies,
O i am supposed to forgive and forget,
O you are supposed to be honest,

I am going to crush you I will break your heart worse than it has ever been broken and then I will piss on the pieces.

the confession

Ill never do any of that!

the confessor



Treason-betrayal of country: a violation of the allegiance owed by somebody to his or her own country, e.g. by aiding an enemy.
- treachery: betrayal or disloyalty
- act of betrayal: an act of betrayal or disloyalty

Loyalty- state of being loyal: the quality or state of being loyal
- feeling of duty: a feeling of devotion, duty, or attachment to somebody or something

Honor- personal integrity: strong moral character or strength, and adherence to ethical principles
- respect: great respect and admiration
- dignity: personal dignity that sometimes leads to recognition and glory


definitions are nothing more than an accepted interpretation of a word and its oft used meaning in certain aspects and certain situations a word can have a flurry of different meanings than the ones widely accepted and in print Loyalty means so much more to me than this accepted definition. My own loyalty makes it difficult for me to post the things i wanted to post here it makes it hard for me to throw someone under a bus even when the deserve to be shoved and held while it rolls over them. people who know the confessor will tell you above all i remain loyal to those i love even when it is detrimental to myself. i am deeply conflicted by this factual statement about me. i dont want to harm myself or allow others to take advantage of me but i cant seem to say no its like im afraid that they will be upset and half of these people wouldnt be loyal to me if i needed them. i am working up the courage to lay my life down for who ever stumbles upon it and its going to be difficult for me but i am prepared.

lyrically speaking

Everyone has a theme song and this is mine it is Twiztid ft. Jamie Madrox and Monoxide Child
"Afraid Of Me"[Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Monoxide Child]Now you can try to sedate me, assassinate or just hate me But there's nothing that you can do to me lately Now I'm greatly accepted in the mind so I'm confused and intertwined From being rejected so many times, I wanna leave it all behind So kind of you to pick up the album and give it a try for once And run and tell your homies that these motherfuckers will die for us So many questions, fingers pointing for answers Suggesting that I'm the cancer that lingers inside the pasture With green grass up to my neck, and situations that's too fast To think about and most people can't dream about A hundred million miles and every single second And every time you hear this record I want you to feel me on every sentence Reminisce from descendants of past treasures We'll embark on a journey that'll stay alive forever Plus I would stand over on my side of the fence Regardless of the circumstances or the consequences [Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Jamie Madrox]I am my own worst enemy I'm not the smartest motherfucker and shit, I don't pretend to be And why I am the way I am is not a mystery My mind's not in proper working order or in therapy The brain's confused and mentally abused Life's been hanging on a string so what the fuck I got to loose? And what the fuck I got to prove to you? If you don't know me by now, you'll never know me You can put that on my real homies I got problems and they stack like bills And I relate to the broken, bleeding heart love killed And I awaited in the shadows, awake in the dark Hoping to talk to the passed on, I'm falling apart I'm such a mess and decisive, I'm fading away I'm out of touch with society and living today Never relying on my sanity, I threw it away To become the maniac that's got your attention today [Chorus x2]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me [Monoxide Child]Can you keep a secret? Well I'm afraid world because they want me to die, can you believe it? But I'm still alive... and been floating since '95 With my chin held high but I'm so dead inside Let the problems just roll and put them back into a pile Because it's just a bunch of shit that I can't deal with right now And I'm tired of always guessing and messing it up again And the next day it's even deeper and I'm steady sinking in [Jamie Madrox]I took a look at myself and came to grips with what I found It was a vision of a child, disturbed and broke down No soul, no heart because I gave it away No time for feeling sorry, I'll grieve another day And all those tears are stored in storm clouds That hover above me and cover the ugly Continued to haunt me when I was feeling low That's the same reason I hold on and never let go [Chorus x4]I'm so Hidden and you're never gonna see I'm cold Forgiven all because of my beliefs I'm no Body that you ever wanna be Cause I know that the world is afraid of me

The confession...
You did it to me now vengeance is mine are you worried?????
I am revolling in the fact that I know leaving a silly message on his girls myspace has him so in arms hes calling mine not trying to fuck her now but trying to stop me.
I told her i wont send the pics of his dick to his girlfriend but I probably am.
I owe this spineless fuck shit. Loyalty to me means not commiting treason by having phone sex with a man who has a girlfriend. I told her i am the most vindictive person she ever met and she knew better then sending me pictures of this dudes dick. Ill show her and then Ill send him a cc of the email, whats he gonna do cry like a fucking bitch, he already is.

The Confessor



truthfully speaking...

i finally told alex how much i loved her back in high school, i am not quite sure that she understands the esteem in which i hold her. she truly knows how to save a life. 

common denominator...

is it the lowest or the highest either way i am franklt rather tired of self loathing people who are so confined within their own restraints that they have chosen to not allow anyone to have a differing opinion without having derogatory things to say about them. if satan was a real thing he would be bill oreilly.

absent thought...

if i were able to be anything i wanted to be i would be a song a song that everyone knew and everyone loved. not a fad song but an anthem of a generation, a timeless classic. but since i cant.

when i seen the message this morning i cried, when i realized he sent 12 and she sent 3 i sneered, when she realized i saw them she took me into her mouth. i am disgusted, viglance pays threefold and vengeance is sweet... look out sneaker and droplet daddy is gonna smash out and bounce out...

i hated it..
The Confessor



If she knew how the hate breeds within me, what would she do?
If she knew that with every misrepresented word and broken promise my disgust with her grows like a viracious swarm of maggots coursing thru the still warm flesh of a new corpse, would she begin to use a more honest patter?
If she wasnt confused by her own lustful desires, would her heart focus its attention upon me?

The falsities uttered from her lips consumes me and crosses me, like a distasteful sermon from a drunken deacon. The misrepresentations of facts and the disorderly nature of selfish thoughts. I am me and she is I. Except for her she is her and I am nothing. You drug me away with empty promises and desperately, delusional I have followed.

I am going to have her and you will cry, and I will still feel victimized. I am going to have the other and it will be one day soon that you will sit alone in a crying room fretting and recalling every word spoke and promise un kept and unable to sleep while I will have no regret.

My confession for the day-

I am disconnected and I start returning your gifts to you in a horrific bin full of your own sharp rejections, and acidic words so that it will burn you to your core and you will be to ashamed to sleep. I hate you today just as much as I hated her Yesterday.

-----The Confessor


12.15.08 Confession

Today is a new day full of new trials and reasons to deliberate. Fondling thoughts of anxiety and vague memories of a laughable moment.I am slowly drowning in my lack of motivation to plow her with her own mash of slights. I offer one and HATED without right.How dare she get mad when I say one thing and plans change. How can she tell me plans change to much for her? How can she say these things when her plans change? I am not supposed to care.I am only a man. I have never felt love this way. I dont know how to react. Popular concensus says though that a live in couple is a marriage without legality and when you choose to be involved you choose to bend and break. I am broken I have no bend left. So plans have to change.

Indefinitely I will respond in the method I have used for so long.Underminding the fact that this is going entirely against everything I know and have recently learned. I am determined to find the match . I am in need of a partner who is willing to play an unbeatable game with me. Because that is what life is, unbeatable. The thing that happens interestingly enough is that you can achieve a tied score, with the proper assistance. I am engrossed in trying to commit to the right conclusion in a decisive manner but am un clear as to what the finale will bring. I am petrified by the fact that as I sit and type this I am alone. I am terrified that when she stumbles upon this Ill become unknown. Thankfully though upon my departure I will be missed and heart will fill with sorrow. Pain will devour and hurt is enduring. Everlasting is the void that is neither refillable or healable that comes from losing the person who beyond all other things is loyal to the death for you.Losing the person that will stick it out thru all of your manipulations, transgressions and cowardness, the dishonesty.The backwards actions that you claim to have no regard for but you have so chosen to emulate those actions.These will be the lasting memory of your unwritten life. Ongoing and unshakeable and they will choke you slowly.The painful memory of how you examined me and the way you went about disecting me while I was still alive. It will caress your throat within a gentle grasp slowly surrounding and encapsulating whilst growing ever firmer. Then when you feel as though you can no longer breath, the pain will begin to grow and then as you lay down to sleep in the eternal darkness your heart will remain beating and continue to pump ice into your soul.

With each passing day I grow more fond of the expositions of my internal soul.I am relieved and in awe of the open nature of this freedom giving device that is truly a new age Confessional.

The Confessor.

Supplemental 12.15.08

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years,

 no matter what it does.                - Will Rogers


Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.                           -Albert Einstein


"It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't."  -Martin Van Buren


"My failures have been errors of judgment, not of intent." Ulysses S. Grant


"The only man who makes no mistake is the man who does nothing."

-         Teddy Roosevelt


When you have a dream you've got to grab it and never let go.

-Carol Burnett

Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'

Margaret Cho,

The only factor becoming scarce in a world of abundance is human attention.

Kevin Kelly,


Acceptance is such an important commodity, some have called it "the first law of personal growth."

Peter McWilliams,


I shall despair. There is no creature loves me;
And if I die no soul will pity me:
And wherefore should they, since that I myself
Find in myself no pity to myself?

William Shakespeare

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.




Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
 David Letterman

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
 Abraham Lincoln



Supplemental 12.14.08

U know its love this time because it hurts so bad. I wish she knew how hard it is for me to know the things she has done and wonder about the things I don't know about. It seems as though she always has some sort of justification for her youthful actions and seems to bow so heavily to peer pressure. Am I controlling for not wanting the woman who I am scheduling a life with to go out all night like she is single. I can not fathom her reasoning to tell me that well if you were home you'd be with me but when I was at home she never had anywhere to go now every weekend its that or this. Sounds funny to you huh? Unfortunately she doesn't know that I am evolving. I wanted to be mean and scream but that's not me. Matt said I wasn't sure you were argueing until I heard her screaming you must be the calmest motherfucker I ever met. Its true if she won't listen at my calm Level why get all wound up and scream. She thinks I'm a pushover. I am not. Its only a moment away a light tug will tip it and I will be in my final phase. Disenfranchised is a good way to put it. I am not in need of much but I have to step up and say this is what I require and if I can't get it I have to move on. As she likes to put it time management. I am an old man and I want a woman who confers confides and Informs me that is just like her challenging sexual and most importantly beautiful. I struggle mainly with trying to weigh her goods and bads and seeing how the balance slides. Lately its even or heavy on the bad side. Why won't she just hear me? I contend that one day she will outgrow this selfish phase in her life and want to be settled which oft means you can't shit on your man to go be with your friends all night and when you say half an hour after the show no excuses its a half hour. I never want to separate her from her friends and believe she needs them. I just am no longer going to play second fiddle. I left that and now I don't get to see my kid. I expect certain things from people and have yet to find any 1 deserving. I want to build a child with her but I am fearful. I am scared she will turn into the first Kelly and up and leave on her kids which was partially my fault. Ill explain that another time. I am so regretful of so many of my actions and inactions that I can't sleep most times thankfully for me though I do have her and when she wraps her arm around me between my ears is silence. Its beautiful. To think that a simple touch can amass such a strong reaction and maintain such a kindness even when one if is is angry. I wish she wasn't so young and was ready. I truly love her with an unconditional stipulation and she will always and forever be the love of my life. "Hometowns have a way of changing people." Al Perkins said this to me. He offered me this solemn advice "slow your pace and visualize the end result, devour your surroundings within your mind and soul. Absorb the nature of the bird you are invisioning and see which direction it soars. If its coming at you catch it. If its glide leads it afar let it float and watch it fly. If you can't keep your eyes in tune with its path and your hearts don't beat together look away and seek it no more." I may have let this bird soar beyond my scope I can hear her heart but can't see the finale any longer and who is left to shoulder the blame.

The Confessor.



Yesterday was a missed opportunity.
Today is already gone.
The next step is a 1 am no show call.
Iwant to trust and I lust for love.
Its cold in here and I returned.

I want to fuck her, I want to lick her, I want to taste her lips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



My dad called me today to tell me he was in Cleveland. He then said but I am leaving now. I was dissapointed I thought I was going to get to see someone from my family. Me and K had incredible sex last night, but I was somehow disinterested at the beginning. The economy is bad and I am having a tough time finding a second job and part of the problem for me is that I am so unconfident right now that I am holding myself back I want to be excited about life. I am missing my son riht now more than I have since I got here and am worried about his general well being. He has a mother who is selfish. These are my confessions for today , maybe more tomorrow.

If you find this K please never tell me. I love you and just need to breathe, exhaleing is incredible I wish you could hear me.




i am sitting alone in my apartment. not entirely true the cat is present. i called my father today and i confessed to him that my girl is taking care of me and she is. i have a horrible job and pay more than 50 percent child support for one child. i dont know an address to mail him a letter but the state takes my money. i often cry when i am alone and no one knows this i cant control myself i try so hard to be sstrong but my exwife and current girlfriend have raped my heart and i am unsure just why i am deserving to even breathe. i regret ever compression of my chest. i have never wanted anything less than an idea family and i dont think i will ever have that im just a bad guy i guess. id love to one day by a rocket and fly it to the moon but it will never happen so i guess its time to stop reaching for the stars. i put an add up on craigslist for her and i know she reads them but she never emailed me on it i dont guess im doing a bad job hiding it. i love her more than i think i should and i want to make her my wife that should be my first clue......

so this is going to be my place to breathe and i will get it out and maybe it will lift all the way off my chest im tired of living two lifes one inside that is a broken tangled mess of a man and one thats outward and nothing more than a false shell of a broken crushed lost man.......